today was a good day. everything is better today. =)

today i miss my mom

yes thats correct i miss her a lot. i went to the relief society general broadcast (instead of utah state's homecoming game that we surprisingly won) and it was so good. i didn't know that they were actually having it broadcast in our building this week until about an hour before so i quickly changed my plans attempted to do my hair and went slightly late but earlier enough to hear everything. i sat in the very back all alone. i took notes. i listened. i thought. i cried. and i was happy. there is so much joy in doing what is right without being told to do so. i thought of my mom. i thought back to when she was first put in as relief society president and how i didn't make it as easy for her as i should have. i also thought of how i learned to love relief society and all of the sisters in my home ward because of my mom's example. it made me long for that here. i realized the importance of everything that my mom did for women in my ward and in others before and after that calling and what she continues to do in her new calling. i miss that. i loved to watch her study her lessons and prepare for things and have her meetings. in my heart i knew everything she was doing was so good and i want and still want to be like that. i also watched the young young young mothers (like the same age and slightly older as me! eeeekkk) take care of their darling babies while still attending the broadcast when there were so many who weren't there. i was inspired by the small showing of women that knew that going to the broadcast was much more important than anything else they were doing. there was inspiration and thought to be had and we all got it. today i am blessed just as every day and i am so so so grateful. oh i love my family. each and every one of them but especially my mom and dad today. they are so good. love love
M

february 24

oh i wish i wasn't impaitent. i wish i wish i wish. but that makes me up to be who i am also. i look forward to things and in turn become impatient for them. it is hard to not push and press and ponder on what my life will become. i just want to be secure in knowing where i stand. oh the joys of being an in betweener =)

today was a hard day. college makes me sad. there were no tears, (well except for when i read hollie rae's blog but thats fairly normal) but there was heartache. there are so many unanswered questions in my life that make me so tired that i cannot fall asleep. if only my exams were the things that i really worried about.

tomorrow will be better. i said that yesterday and it didn't work, but tomorrow really will be better. it will be a good day because i will make it a good day.

today i will stop worrying about my past and my future and focus on life. it will get better because it always does i just have to be patient. loves& hugs from my tiny room to wherever you may be. xoxo
m

tomorrow.

yesterday was JARED LAVERN'S birthday. i feel bad i didnt' wish him happy birthday sooner. i hope it was magnificent but with a wife like hollie and a son like morg how could it be anything but? i love you little keller family. =)

tomorrow is a new day. technically it is today since i do not sleep but it will be a good one. a day of change. love

m

new life

Want TO know Whats LIBERATING.

doing

WHATEVER

I

WANT

it rarely happens. but when it does i am genuinely happy.

nothing like cutting your hair almost off to feel good and weightless.

and then! re-dying it dark. yummmm makes me happy.

utah is cold now. i wake up in the morning and my lungs don't want to breathe for fear of freezing. lately it has been harder here. this past week i just went home.

home

home home

home home home

home home

home

already i miss it. who would want to go to college after coming from where i've been raised.

i saw my room for the first time again on thursday night and i started crying. i couldn't help it. there goes my youth i thought. and already i'm back here. in logan. bummer. =) but here's the beauty. i. can. do. what. i. want. i make my own life. go megan keller

xoxox

COLLEGE

i like logan. it is a pretty place with big mountains and trees and fresh air and almost every morning i wake up too early for megan keller and i walk up the hill to my college. i breathe in the fresh air and almost pass out because it is a HIKE ugh. but i do LOVE to look over the valley as i climb to the top. also every morning busses zoom past me as i make my climb and i wonder who i'm missing on each load of lazy bus riders. i like college. well the school part anyways. i like all of my classes except for american history. that class is a joke. my professor drones on about nothing that is interesting and what you have been told over and over again but no one ever listens. also the fact that she remains me of a woman version of my old boss whose employeeship i dropped like a hot rock, doesn't make her my favorite either. but otherwise i like my classes. too much busy work though. but its interesting. it is fun to watch all of the people that live here. so many different people. so many mormons and jack mormons. too short of shorts, too many peircings, tats, bad words, and mean faces. interesting. tippy and i live in the smallest room of our apartement. we also happen to have the most stuff so we're packed right in tight tight tight. we are very snugsy so we love it for that reason. we have been watching the second season of gossip girl and have been taken care of by mr. drewby our knight in shining armour. he protects us. makes sure we don't fight too much, heps us when we're sick, and cooks us delicous dinner. what a SWEETHEART. he is our best friend. mine especially. he takes care of me =) the "city" of logan is a beauty. i love logan. the people are scary at wal-mart, but otherwise i haven't even gotten in a close collision which is miraculous in itself. i also cut my hair. talk about liberating. i feel like a new girl! chic and sophisticated, and then i come down to earth and realize i'm what boys would call "cute" not alluring which is a bummer. the thing about college is that you are surrounded by people doing what they want and becoming who they've always wanted. i like it. i get lonely here though. it is strange for me to be unknown and not talked to continuously in all of my classes. strange new concepts. i am just learning here. thats all.